September 4, 2013 / Personal

Regrets

First off, I want to say that I don't have a lot of regrets. But what I do regret, is not being a stronger person in my teens.  It's the whole, "If I only knew then what I know now" type of thing, ...
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First off, I want to say that I don’t have a lot of regrets.

But what I do regret, is not being a stronger person in my teens.  It’s the whole, “If I only knew then what I know now” type of thing, which is obviously not possible.  So why do we think like this?  But, that’s another discussion!

Since it is back to school season, I was just thinking about how, in high-school, perhaps it was my sophomore or junior year, I don’t remember, I was so, so incredibly shy and insecure that I felt like I was barely alive.

There’s this one instance that is really sticking out at the moment.  In my history class our teacher gave us an extra credit project; to read The Jungle by Upton Sinclair.  I feel like this is an extremely difficult book to read no matter what age you are, but I decided I would read it because I liked to read and I wanted to be smart.  A few weeks later in class my history teacher asked us if anyone was reading the book.  No one raised their hand.  So, I did not raise my hand.  I could tell that the teacher was disappointed, but I never even told him in private that I had been reading the book and I even stopped reading it.  I had enough issues with people thinking I was a weirdo, I didn’t want everyone to know that I was also trying to get extra credit by reading a book when it was so obviously “not cool” to do such a thing!

So, I regret this, and it probably seems silly, but I really wish that I had raised my hand that day and said, “Yes, I’m reading the book and I’m not afraid to say so.  I don’t care what anyone else thinks.”  But I didn’t.  I was so concerned about looking cool, even though I never did “look cool”, that I hid everything about me that was cool deep, deep inside of me.

This is the thing about being a teenager, you do care what everyone else thinks.  It can be such a hard and crazy time in ones life.  This being said, I forgive my teenage self.  I forgive myself for not standing up for myself and allowing people to get to know me because I was too scared that they wouldn’t like me.  I forgive myself for not being a strong and outspoken teenager and standing up for what I believed in because I was too scared of being beaten up.  I forgive myself for not raising my hand in my history class to say that I had indeed been reading the book that no one else was reading because I was scared that everyone would laugh at me.  I forgive myself and I give my teenage self a huge hug and I tell her that it will be okay, because one day you will be strong and you will do great things and people will and do, love you!

I know I’m not the only one who has ever had regrets, so just take a moment to let go of whatever has had a nasty grasp on you and give yourself a huge mental hug,  just because you are alive and beautiful and living on this incredible earth experiencing all of its magical wonders.

MOST IMPORTANTLY, IF YOU ARE STILL A TEENAGER AND YOU ARE GOING THROUGH SOMETHING REALLY AWFUL, KNOW THAT THINGS WILL GET BETTER.  HANG ON AND DO NOT BE AFRAID TO REACH OUT FOR HELP.  STOP BULLYING.

Comments

You’ve come a long way. Hooray!

I LOVE THIS! such a great reminder to love ourselves, let go, and live life! Thanks for sharing :)

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